Terms of Service

Ownership of a “Paranoid Pangolin” does not guarantee protection from: chemtrails, extra terrestrial abduction, the deep state, covid-19, covid-20, antifa, the UN, lizard people, mole people, wifi toxicity, adrenochrome harvesting, critical race theory, big pharma, CTE, cell tower radiation, vaccine shedding, gluten, the illuminati, homosexuality, undercooked/raw shellfish, gravitational realignment, brainwashing, the mandela effect, the CIA, the free masons, the slave masons, skull and bones, the bildeberg group, fluoride, artificial growth hormones, Venus in retrograde, raw milk, the mark of the beast, global warming, or the jews.

Objects, people and events in your NFT may be closer than they appear.

The sellers of “Paranoid Pangolins” make frequent references to public figures and an undefined “they”. We would like to assure any public figures that we are simply asking questions… leading and provocative questions…

Ownership of a “Paranoid Pangolin” may attract attention from famous or powerful people with an agenda. You might get lucky and meet Tom Hanks… it could happen…

Owners of “Paranoid Pangolins” are encouraged to make cryptic “If I Die…” messages. An up to date Will is also never a bad idea. Younger relatives with whom you have a superficial/distant relationship should be in line to inherit your Pangolin.

Do not attempt to recreate images depicted in your NFT…. Though if you obtain a real Pangolin you will DEFINITELY make it paranoid… art imitates life I guess.

If you look away from your Paranoid Pangolin and look back quickly you may note a slight deviation in its eye movements. This is a known bug that we are fixing. Nothing to worry about…

Paranoid Pangolins do NOT cause erectile dysfunction. That’s all on you bud. Get yourself checked out.

Paranoid Pangolins are not a poorly disguised vehicle for money laundering. However, if Hunter Biden wants to buy one we wouldn’t say no…